There are some unspoken rules each student should stick to while in a public or campus library. They might forget to talk to you about them in your sisterhood or brotherhood, but don’t worry. After all, I’m here to help you. See the recommendations below to make sure you fit in student life from the first day you’re in college.
- Have noisy snacks
Oh, yes! Choose the most crunchy and crispy food you can find in a supermarket. Have some savory kettle chips, nachos, or perfectly baked dry biscuits. If you prefer more healthy alternatives, opt for hard apples and carrots. Don’t even look at bananas, yogurts, and peanut-butter sandwiches. These are for soft-hearted wimps who care about others.
- Choose savory, authentic meals
The fact that you’ve come from another country gives you all the rights to extend your culture and introduce your mates to the high cuisine of your homeland. Get some Korean kimchi or Thai ammonia eggs as your library snack, gorge yourself with lovely Sweden surströmming, Russian herring under a fur coat, or any kind of noble French cheese. Ask your family to send you some durian if you want to be noticed by everyone on your campus.
- Use strong perfumes only
It is such a pity so many students nowadays forget about the distracting and annoying power of classy perfumes. Choose ones with the highest concentration of musk, so everybody around you will notice who is the sexiest tiger/tigress. Grrrau!
- Listen to your favorite music with bad headphones
We both know your taste in music is way too perfect to be hidden from others by proper headphones or a reasonable sound volume. Whatever is in your playlist: k-pop, heavy metal of the 80s, or fancy nu-jazz, let people around you explore it. Put that volume to the max!
- Have long chats on the phone
“So what did she say? And what did he say? Oh, God, what happened next, did she hit him?” or “No, you turn off the phone. Who’s my little teddy bear? Who’s your nice kitty? No, I love you more!” or “You know what, I’m sick of you! You’re a stupid momma’s boy!”More drama! People need to know more about your personal life, as engaging in social media is not enough for a true extrovert like you!
- Chat with your friend all the time
Whisper or speak in a loud voice, giggle, or discuss someone’s personality. Pubs are too noisy for private conversations, and you have to do it somewhere, don’t you? This is the true purpose of libraries.
- Make any kind of other disturbing noise
Snap your pen, tap out some melody with your feet or hands, cough, crack the bones in your fingers or shoulders, scratch yourself, drop things, and don’t forget to fart. Manifest your presence in any way your body is capable of.
- Don’t mute your phone
True tough guys and chicks never mute their phones. What if your mom calls and you don’t hear the ring? How are you going to explain your drama to her? Plus, how would everyone check out your new ringtone if your phone is mute?
Think only about yourself
- Go to the library with a cold and a running nose
What can be better than shufflings and snifflings in your ear while you’re trying to get ready for your virology class? Don’t bother to go to the bathroom to blow your nose. Let everyone in the hall enjoy the perfect symphony your pipes can produce. Try to blow off the Imperial March so that no one has a doubt about who is the funniest pal in the course.
- Leave your stuff everywhere
Dogs and cats are clever little devils and we have a lot to learn from them. Like how to mark territory. Put your pen and notebook in one place, your scarf and bag in another, and your piles of books somewhere else. Don’t forget to leave empty cups of coffee and packets from your snacks on the tables. You’re a creative person and want to embrace chaos. Why can’t other people just deal with it?!
- Get all books at once during the rush hour
Don’t worry, it’s just you and the entire course who decided to write an essay the night before it has to be turned in. No one needs these books and journals that are gathering dust on your table for more than 3 hours already, while you’re trying to complete a level in PvsZ. Don’t bother about others. This is a cruel world, and these kids need to learn this lesson.
- Put books where they don’t belong
The bookshelf where the journal you’ve been using belongs to is miles away. And you’ve already walked your 10,000 steps for today. That’s okay—just squeeze the journal in somewhere and forget about it immediately.
- Steal books
You can both put them in your bag when no one notices, or take them from a librarian and forget to turn them in. Choose wisely.
- Write in books and tear the pages out
Be that half-blood prince for some random Harry. Write on pages about your brilliant discoveries. This is how scientific knowledge is passed from generation to generation in the modern world. Tear out the pages that contain inappropriate information. You don’t want it to be seen by some weirdos, do you?
Do whatever you want
Drink alcohol, make noisy kisses, smoke, and do whatever you wish! Just make sure nobody is distracted by you. And stay in disguise by pouring liquor into the coffee cup, and having all that interaction stuff in the blind zones with no cameras or people around. Otherwise, your mischief can lead to a fine, to expulsion, or to the everlasting shame of your family.