Academic level – Graduate
Type of paper – Reflection essay
Topic Title – Gottman Couples Counseling
After reading the first chapter of the Gottman text, what are your impressions of the “myths of couple’s counseling” and Gottman’s response to them?
Have you noticed any of these myths in conversations or observations you’ve made about relationships? If so, what?
Love is an outstanding feeling. However, more and more couples tend to break up or divorce. The problem is that people feel difficulties in negotiating their issues constructively, which leads to conflicts. John Gottman debunks myths about relationships. Therefore, based on Gottman’s research, I reflect on the myths that love is enough and neuroses/trauma undermine relationships.
I felt extreme relief and inspiration after reading Gottman’s article and first chapter. The author’s analysis of the problem showed me an opportunity for personal growth. For instance, in the myth that neuroses or trauma can hurt relationships, Gottman indicated that recalling painful memories and altering one’s perception of them can promote conflict resolution and ensure partners’ equal treatment (Gottman, 2023; Gottman & Silver, 2015). Due to Gottman’s research, I finally felt I could alter my perception of traumatic events, which would contribute to my vision of conflicts and understanding my partner’s needs.
In personal conversation about relationships, I noticed the myth that love was enough. The context of the discussion was that when a female I was speaking to argued with her husband on the conflict she started she said ‘I love you’ to him, and the conflict was over, as he did not know how to react. Love was not enough as the conflict was not resolved. Calm was the physical condition both partners had to cultivate to be able to hear and be empathetic to each other, not cutting the conversation and going (TEDx Talks, 2019, 00:10:44 – 00:10:46). Hence, love is not enough; it needs empathy and calmness.
To conclude, myths about relationships blur one’s vision of marriage. Love is not enough, and neuroses/trauma can boost relationships. If we develop calmness and empathy and alter the way we perceive our traumatic experience, we can reach a consensus with our loved ones. Thus, Gottman contributed to family counseling by showing a practical paradigm for treating each other.
Gottman, J. (2023). Debunking 12 myths about relationships. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/debunking-12-myths-about-relationships/.
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.
TEDx Talks. (2019). The science of love | John Gottman | TEDxVeniceBeach [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uazFBCDvVw.