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Satirical Essay about Cloning

Free example essay on Cloning:
Family life in the new millennium is constantly changing. The number of mothers acquiring full-time employment is increasing, fathers are spending more time at the office and consequently their children are spending more time at daycare. Economist Michael Mitchell states his belief as to why this is happening, “The costs of living as well as the current condition of the Canadian economy are both placing pressure on employed Canadians – especially those with children – to spend more time in the office. The fear of losing one’s job is just too great right now.” But what about the effects this situation has on these families? In a recent country-wide survey of employed Canadians with children between the ages of 1 and 15, 91.2% of working women would like to be able to leave work early to see their children more each day. The survey also showed that the children who attend daycare spend on average 20.1 hours per week in that establishment. Another recent study conducted at the University of Toronto showed a strong correlation between the amount of time a parent spends relaxing, and the quality of their work and family life. Psycho-sociologist Fran Baker states that, “when a person is able to take time from their busy schedule, and do something that they enjoy, it improves their attitude towards their job and helps to form a healthy family dynamic.”

Not only do the parents suffer a loss from this situation, so do the children. Carla Simons, from Brainy Babies Daycare Center in Etobicoke, believes, “[e]ven though the BBDC is focused on helping these children develop healthy personalities and interpersonal relationships, it is still much better for them to learn these behaviours from their parents. All these children tell my coworkers and me how much they miss their parents; that must be an indication that something needs to change.” It is clear that not only do the parents want to be with their children more, but the children want to be with their parents. But what could possibly be done to ensure the parents maintain their careers, spend more time with their children and still keep time for themselves? An idea that was farfetched until recently: getting a clone” or maybe even two.

One might be wondering how this is even possible. It is possible, and the process is not even too difficult. Once cloning becomes more popular, one will be able to go to their local cloning center to inquire about being copied.

According to an in-depth interview with biotechnologist Abe Atkins, the steps are as follows:

  1. A sample of your cells, like skin or hair, will be taken.
  2. Doctors will take an embryo (unused from an In Vitro Fertilization clinic), remove the nucleus “also called DNA” from the egg, and combine it with one of your cells. Once they are combined, the embryo will now contain your DNA.
  3. The embryo is implanted in the uterus of the surrogate of your choice and 9 months later the clone is born.

Some people have concerns about this process, so I, along with the knowledge I have gained from my friends in the cloning business, will clear them up. It has been said that some clones could be born up to two times larger than a real baby. For this concern, there are two options. One is that you could keep the giant clone to serve as a body guard. Imagine; you could finally feel safe walking through the streets at night knowing that you have a larger, more intimidating version of yourself protecting you. Or if your kids were going to be out late, you could send your clone along to be with them! If you do not feel as though you need a bodyguard clone, the giant could be donated to the Canadian army. We are sorely lacking in the defence of our country (which in itself is an entirely different article), so it would be a great help to your country if you would donate this super-sized being to protect us. It would be a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing how much you were contributing to the safety of your community.

Some may be wondering if their boss or their children will know the difference between themselves and their clones. Of course there might be some slight differences in personality, but the clone could easily be trained to perform all the necessary tasks and interpersonal skills of the workplace, and also the general ideas of parenting. The parenting skills should only be used if one was in need of a babysitter, as it is strongly believed by all advocates of cloning that the real parents should be raising the children. As well, one would have to decide what their children would call the clone. Some suggestions from researchers in cloning labs are Clonimommy and Daddydouble.

For those times when one would like to be the only one of themselves in public, special “clone-chambers” can be installed in your home for easy storage. Not to worry, clones are not real people and do not need to be given attention all that often. Others do not need to know you have a clone, and clones certainly do not have to be high maintenance.

The last major concern that should be addressed is clonal reproduction. Abe Atkins has reassured everyone that, “[n]o clones will have the ability to reproduce. These beings are not real people and by no means have the right to create children of their own. For this reason, they will all be sterilized at birth.” This is a good thing; Canadians certainly do not want little clones to take over the country and maybe even lower taxes.

When addressing the many concerns, I do not mean to say they are not legitimate, however they in no way compare to the advantages that come from cloning. The best advantage would be that parents can spend less time in a stressful, pressure-filled environment, and spend more time in a relaxed, happy environment spending quality time with their children. The clone will continue bringing in an income and furthering your career, while you can raise your standard of living in a non-financial way: by keeping your children out of daycare and forming healthy relationships within your household.

When not at work, one’s clone can take care of all housework and other errands that need to be done” especially cleaning the toilet and picking up after the dog–so that one can have time for oneself. One could take the time to read a book, take a bath or go to the gym. This would mean that people would be less stressed, happier, and be healthier both mentally and physically. Speaking of health, clones could also be grown and stored for the purpose of having extra organs in the case of an emergency. As Canada’s healthcare is also on the rocks, there would no longer be a wait for an organ, and there would be no risk of rejection once the transplant was completed.

As mentioned previously, a great advantage to cloning would be the increased enrolment in the Canadian army. Maybe our new strength in numbers would lead to a spot of respect or even true acknowledgement from the United States!

This article is in no way saying that every person should get a clone. It is however, an option for the many Canadians that are in the conflicting situation of having a career, having children, and at times just need to be in two places at once. Many would say that cloning should never be an option, and to do so without enough experience and knowledge of the effects of such an action is completely irresponsible. These clones would be real people, and their feelings as humans need to be considered too. Although this article has supported the idea of cloning, I can in no way benefit from this technology. I have no wife, no children, and the leisurely job of writing children’s pop-up books at my home in a little known town in Spain.

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