Do you believe in true love? I do. Maybe that’s why I’m so unlucky with guys. It’s not easy to find true love in New York. The famous New Yorker, Carrie Bradshaw, spent 6 seasons, 2 movies, and is still looking for it in the sequel “And Just Like That…” Currently, my love life is on hold after rather disappointing attempts to build a normal relationship. To give you an idea of how bad things were with guys, I even made a list. A list of types of guys you should never date but run for the hills. Are you interested? Then, let’s go!
Guys You Should Avoid, Take It from Me
In fact, dating in America is not like dating in Japan. We are very serious about it. Moreover, I will surprise you, if Japanese people date, they are more likely to get married. Yes, it’s true. We don’t live for the day and make empty promises. Before a couple starts dating, a man must ask a woman directly if she agrees. There is even a special word for such a serious conversation, “kokuhaku.” Can you imagine now how difficult it is for me to find a boyfriend in New York in my 20s? So, let’s put the cards on the table.
No. 1. “The all-talk, no-action guy”
This was the first type of guy I met during my years at university. They’re so common that I think you’ve met them too, right? So, when I first came to study in America, everything was new to me. The guys were too. I really wanted to fit in, so I went to that party. That’s where I met Alex. Let’s call him like that, it’s better not to give real names. He was like a hurricane, I was mesmerized by him. My new friend talked so much about his plans for the future and what he had already achieved. We had a couple of great dates. But, as time went on, more and more of his promises remained just that, promises. The most striking episode was when we were supposed to go out of town for the weekend. I waited for him all day sitting next to my suitcase and only in the evening he wrote that his plans had changed. Needless to say, that was the last time I talked to him.
If you notice that your new boyfriend talks a lot about his intentions to do something, be realistic about how much of what he says is actually done.
No. 2. Guys to never date: “Party animal”
The second type of guy you should stay away from in college is what they call a “party animal.” Don’t think I’m a prude, I like to party. However, when they become your whole life, well, that’s not healthy, to put it mildly. It’s very easy to fall in love with these guys. They’re attention-grabbers, extremely charismatic, and know all the best parties in town. I fell into this trap. Ben (a fake name) was one of those guys, and we had a lot of fun. But, over time, I realized that he wasn’t interested in anything else, neither in college nor in me, to be honest. He didn’t try to find out anything about me. No serious steps in this direction. At one of the parties, I went to the restroom. When I came back, I saw him with another girl. I turned around and left. I should have known better before starting to date someone who cares about parties so much.
If more than half of your dates with a new love interest are at parties, you should think about whether it’s worth continuing the relationship.
No. 3. “The clingy texter”
Are there any “Friends” fans? Do you remember Phoebe’s boyfriend, who constantly bothered her with never-ending calls, texts, and came over to her place without notice? Well, I was unlucky enough to meet a guy like that, too. At first, everything seemed normal. He wrote me several messages every day, asking how I was doing and what I was going to do. It was nice. What girl doesn’t dream of a guy who is interested in her life? But there is a limit to everything, enough is enough. When he wrote me 50 (long) texts in one day and called me 10 times, I realized I had to break up with him. I did it the same night. Thank God, I didn’t need a restraining order, you know what I mean?
It’s easy to fall for these guys. You are lured by their “caring for you.” However, don’t be fooled, and don’t let them cross your personal boundaries. Never date them. If you are uncomfortable, you shouldn’t go out with such a person.
No. 4. “The smarty pants”
I respect intelligent, educated people. I don’t want to brag, but I consider myself one of them. In my second year, a new student joined our group. He was very good-looking and immediately caught my attention. During one of the seminars on marketing psychology, we discussed a pressing topic. His ideas on this matter were inspiring. Over time, we started dating.
However, all that charm and intelligence later started to get on my nerves. I couldn’t express my opinion without him correcting me or questioning it. No matter what topic we touched on, he had a ready answer for everything that could not be argued with. In any conversation, his word had to be the last. Only he knew what was right and what was wrong, and he considered it his duty to convey this to everyone. It was very exhausting. I got tired of him and broke up with him. You can’t imagine what a relief it was!
Never date someone who doesn’t value your opinion and constantly imposes their own on you. Run away from them as far as you can. Nothing good will come of such a relationship.
No. 5. “The disrespectful dude”
I urge you to never tolerate such guys! Be above them. Once, I happened to go on a blind date. My friend arranged this meeting for us, and I regret every minute I spent on it. From the very beginning of the date, he started making some inappropriate little jokes that I initially let slide. I tried to start a conversation that would be pleasant for both of us, but my attempts were unsuccessful. My date kept interrupting me and commenting on my appearance, my outfit, and the food I ordered. When his jokes turned into open insults, I realized that I had had enough. I am a calm person. However, this whole evening had cut the ground from under my feet. I only remember leaving the restaurant after I threw my drink in his face.
Don’t make my mistake, never date such guys. Don’t try to understand such a person and smooth things over. If your date is disrespectful and allows themselves to insult you, leave immediately. Although, before you leave, you can splash your drink in his face if you have it at hand.
No. 6. “The commitment-phobe”
In fact, this type of man is also extremely common in American culture. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to put labels. However, in Japan, these guys are rare, as I mentioned before. Never date someone who is reluctant to make commitments. The typical “commitment-phobe” representative broke my heart. We were good together. He was attentive and loving, and we spent a lot of time together. The problems arose when I started talking about who we were to each other and where we were going. He changed, began to avoid me, and did not respond to my messages and calls. His friends kept telling me he was very busy. Unfortunately, this story doesn’t have a happy ending like in romantic comedies. He pulled away from me because he didn’t want to make our relationship serious.
This type of guy gives you the most painful experience. It is almost impossible to recognize them in advance. However, if you encounter them, you should know that such relationships lead nowhere and bring only pain.
I hope you find my list of guys you shouldn’t have a relationship with in college useful. You’ll manage to learn from my mistakes and avoid making the same ones.